Looking for the Heros

I wonder if the younger generation of women are looking for their heros....
That ghastly knight that will defend our honor....forever.....

Have we as women reached a point in our evolution that surpasses that want or desire.
Was it a realistic desire?

THE BIG REVEAL

How much or how little that is the question? or is it......

At what age does all of that change......does it have to do with age or maturity...

Why does "sex" without intimacy feel physically good but psychologically void.

DEMENTIA

I did not understand this and did not want to admit it...I was in fear that I would fall asleep and she would be gone from the bed and possibly hurt herself while I slept...so I slept in the hall and some nights in the bed as she regained her strength....

How does a daughter hold the mother and comfort her fears...the most I could do was tell her I understood and hold her as she held me so many years before. I have not done my homework on this Dementia...I do not like it...my mom knew she had it and her fear some nights was that if she fell asleep she would not remember who she was in the morning...how does a daughter say to the Mom...it will be okay...because Dementia is not okay....I could not even imagine knowing I had it and crying in my daughters arms...my mind is going and I know it and I am scared..... was it enough to sleep beside her and snuggle through the night....

DEALBREAKERS

WHAT ARE YOUR DEAL BREAKERS WHEN IN RELATIONSHIP...

We are all such individuals and we all have been through much so....is there one thing in particular that someone could do or say to us that we could or would not forgive because we love them.

Silly as it might seem...Negativeness would be one for me...a big one

HONORING

Honor....I wonder what that means to the majority...

Do we honor someone when we do the opposite of what we have heard them say to us for years?

I have issues with some of my family....I am the kid that left home at 17 and went tripping out into the great world of adventure far from home so that I could do what I wanted and not have the judgment of the family on me.

Growing up in a fairly small town was great and for the most part my life was as dysfunctional as many that I have met... but there was plenty of love also.

I know that my parents did the best job they could with the skills they had.......I have had issues and still do....returning home to care for my sick mom last year was a difficult task for me ...I had not been home in years...and one would think at my age that I should have had it all worked out...hmmmmmm....

This was for me, so many emotions, meeting family I did not know, stepping back into time in some respects to a home I was not happy in, reconnecting with a little brother that I really do not know well and "step" brothers and sisters...to me they are all family and there are no "steps"...we are all my mother's children even though we have different fathers....we are all connected through my mom.

My mom was very ill and I was there so that she could come home to her house for recouperation instead of a nursing home. I was the one that was available to do this...I was just starting a little business in Hawaii and I let it go. She was my mom...I could not say no under the circumstances....I do not regret one minute of the time she and I shared....some difficult times and some great times....my mom is not easy....and she and I had words on several occasions about the negativity........I was sorry that I had not realized the negativeness was so much a part of her existence...it was not my experience of her in Hawaii when she had come to visit. I did the best I could under the circumstances...I was a great caretaker......however, mom did not want to live any more....after all the illness and the surgery to keep her alive...she did not want to live...and if she did live she wanted to stay in her home....something she could have afforded to do for several years with a caretaker to help her but that was not an option......she was going to live with my little brother...that is not what she wanted....she wanted to stay at home....I truly do not understand why and I was not the person in charge...my mom wanted to be in charge however she was having some dementia. No one heard me and my voice meant nothing and so I live with that. How do you honor someone with dementia....I truly think you honor them by listening and knowing what the right thing to do is and then you do the right thing. You don't do what you think is best and easier for you, you do what they want if at all possible because they have earned it and they deserve it and as children YOU SHOULD HONOR IT.

I miss my mom...she and I worked on the issues that bothered me when I was young and we had some great times...and in the few months I cared for her we had some precious times that are the greatest gifts she could have bestowed upon me...to snuggle with her and be able to make her laugh and to be there to help her get through the fearful nights of not remembering.

Thanks mom...

EHARM FREE WEEKEND

Yes, I was supposed to be posting to the blog…my fantasy or dream of being a writer ( because I love to read), or maybe thinking I could influence someone with the wisdoms I had learned over the years…no…therapy….for my soul …to find a voice to have a voice to just vent because I isolate myself …to speak my truth so that I may read it then make sure I walk it….

To leave a legacy of babble for my children and grand children, family and friends so they know how I feel and/or felt about something in a particular moment….those precious moments….of time shared ..those unspoken thoughts…that reside in the corners of my mind….

And so…where to begin…it is 2/18/2008 at about 11:59 pm in Hawaii on Wahinekoa Street. I can still hear some traffic in the distance….air planes bringing visitors to "paradise" fast becoming a "paradise lost" for those of us who remember the "good old days".

Let the verbiage begin…..

I'll begin with my most recent stint of a free weekend on eharm…what fun…answering questions and sending to and fro to dance the dance of finding our life partner, the new age way…not what I had ever envisioned for myself but then again…I never envisioned myself single for so long either…. I had thought some time ago when I joined eharm that this would be a great venue for me so that I could be clear and honest about the who, what, where, why and how of me and that might be somewhat true …however what I have found is that not everyone is fostering that ideal….and our bantering is nothing more that our intro into a totally different dance of courtship that sometimes ends rather abruptly with the click of a mouse….I "closed a match" because someone answered that having a male friend when in a relationship meant "trouble"…click…close match…."other"I believe was the reason….I have always had men friends in my life…I could call them my "band of brothers" and yes I was intimate with some and we all have moved on in our lives to different situations and for some reason remained in contact and our relationships have grown into friendships….do I want to give them up…NO….do I want a man I meet to give up his female friends…NO. I put the funkiest picture in…and everyone wants a picture…I have seen none of the correspondents of this past weekend….characters we all are…wanting intelligent, in shape, kind, caring, funny, clean…(now…that one gets me…for the most part I am a clean person…but…I also like dirt…and I like to get dirty and sweat and feel the physicalness of whatever it is that makes me that way….so is that acceptable and there are times when I like my natural odor and would that be acceptable for a short period of time…I do get nervous when I see that requirement in the "must have's"….I had over 200 matches…now…if the weekend had been longer I could have had 200 eharm dates on some level….wow….what a thought….gave a couple of men my "personal email" so who knows…..maybe there will be a match…one gent might have gotten it right…"does any one really get you"….although I answered I keep wondering….one thing great about all my experience with eharm is the greatest reading list…..so thanks guys for all the good reading material…………………….