Do we honor someone when we do the opposite of what we have heard them say to us for years?
I have issues with some of my family....I am the kid that left home at 17 and went tripping out into the great world of adventure far from home so that I could do what I wanted and not have the judgment of the family on me.
Growing up in a fairly small town was great and for the most part my life was as dysfunctional as many that I have met... but there was plenty of love also.
I know that my parents did the best job they could with the skills they had.......I have had issues and still do....returning home to care for my sick mom last year was a difficult task for me ...I had not been home in years...and one would think at my age that I should have had it all worked out...hmmmmmm....
This was for me, so many emotions, meeting family I did not know, stepping back into time in some respects to a home I was not happy in, reconnecting with a little brother that I really do not know well and "step" brothers and sisters...to me they are all family and there are no "steps"...we are all my mother's children even though we have different fathers....we are all connected through my mom.
My mom was very ill and I was there so that she could come home to her house for recouperation instead of a nursing home. I was the one that was available to do this...I was just starting a little business in Hawaii and I let it go. She was my mom...I could not say no under the circumstances....I do not regret one minute of the time she and I shared....some difficult times and some great times....my mom is not easy....and she and I had words on several occasions about the negativity........I was sorry that I had not realized the negativeness was so much a part of her existence...it was not my experience of her in Hawaii when she had come to visit. I did the best I could under the circumstances...I was a great caretaker......however, mom did not want to live any more....after all the illness and the surgery to keep her alive...she did not want to live...and if she did live she wanted to stay in her home....something she could have afforded to do for several years with a caretaker to help her but that was not an option......she was going to live with my little brother...that is not what she wanted....she wanted to stay at home....I truly do not understand why and I was not the person in charge...my mom wanted to be in charge however she was having some dementia. No one heard me and my voice meant nothing and so I live with that. How do you honor someone with dementia....I truly think you honor them by listening and knowing what the right thing to do is and then you do the right thing. You don't do what you think is best and easier for you, you do what they want if at all possible because they have earned it and they deserve it and as children YOU SHOULD HONOR IT.
I miss my mom...she and I worked on the issues that bothered me when I was young and we had some great times...and in the few months I cared for her we had some precious times that are the greatest gifts she could have bestowed upon me...to snuggle with her and be able to make her laugh and to be there to help her get through the fearful nights of not remembering.
Thanks mom...
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