You invade my soul with some of your questions and I do not know how to answer…or is it my soul…… or some knowing place that you have insight or intuition of…any way I don’t like it…..(and that is okay because it is good for me) and I don’t want to misrepresent myself. So at the moment I struggle for the correct words and of course …they are not there and then I feel stupid because I could not clearly speak my truth or what I understand is my truth.
I know that I have been with several men who have told me that I have effected/affected them in some manner to move forward in their lives…did I know that at the time …
During those encounters there was a point at which I felt like I was merely a vessel for the release of all that was within them and allowed that. When I tell you I am not conscious some times well…. that is how it feels to me. I know that with some of them I have been drained and lack energy for sometime or feel this tremendous sadness or pain.
This is not something you tell someone or even admit to yourself until you educate yourself more and then you still wonder if that is reality or some illusion within you or at least I have and you change a bit with each occurrence and you wonder if one day this will stop……it drains my life force and then I retreat to rebuild it…a lonely place to be..
You ask did I choose this path…I search still for those answers….
What I have learned is that I have to be more conscious all the time, something that seems difficult for me. I, at first sight, only see the good within and become blinded to what is the reality in front of me. My last two encounters were prime examples of me not trusting my self and my intuition. The first encounter left me drained for a while, the second made me real angry with myself and not very trusting that I have enough sense to actually find a good mate for myself.
When you say things like …I have taken all these classes about reading body language and communication …at first I think ..yikes…I feel confronted…he will see me and what is inside of me and that means I will be vulnerable on some level….and then I also feel annoyed because I could never totally get all that when reading about body language, it all seemed to abstract to me and what is easiest for me is touch.
I get concerned when I am speaking with someone that seems to be in my space a bit like you seem to be doing…this is a good thing…You know you try to be honest about who you are and its difficult to say all the stuff that maybe is part of your character that you take for granted…like being stubborn….some one else sees stubborn…your perception is different….my friend also tells me that I am a handful…someone else has said “taming of the shrew” and I understand them on some level but do not know how to explain that to any one because I am gentle and kind and loving and warm…opinionated ..understanding …free spirited and it is when this spirit is challenged that I probably become stubborn …do you think? I do know that a strong male influence calms me and that there are times when I just need to be taken to the bed room and equalized. On that note I end this parable.
I know that I have been with several men who have told me that I have effected/affected them in some manner to move forward in their lives…did I know that at the time …
During those encounters there was a point at which I felt like I was merely a vessel for the release of all that was within them and allowed that. When I tell you I am not conscious some times well…. that is how it feels to me. I know that with some of them I have been drained and lack energy for sometime or feel this tremendous sadness or pain.
This is not something you tell someone or even admit to yourself until you educate yourself more and then you still wonder if that is reality or some illusion within you or at least I have and you change a bit with each occurrence and you wonder if one day this will stop……it drains my life force and then I retreat to rebuild it…a lonely place to be..
You ask did I choose this path…I search still for those answers….
What I have learned is that I have to be more conscious all the time, something that seems difficult for me. I, at first sight, only see the good within and become blinded to what is the reality in front of me. My last two encounters were prime examples of me not trusting my self and my intuition. The first encounter left me drained for a while, the second made me real angry with myself and not very trusting that I have enough sense to actually find a good mate for myself.
When you say things like …I have taken all these classes about reading body language and communication …at first I think ..yikes…I feel confronted…he will see me and what is inside of me and that means I will be vulnerable on some level….and then I also feel annoyed because I could never totally get all that when reading about body language, it all seemed to abstract to me and what is easiest for me is touch.
I get concerned when I am speaking with someone that seems to be in my space a bit like you seem to be doing…this is a good thing…You know you try to be honest about who you are and its difficult to say all the stuff that maybe is part of your character that you take for granted…like being stubborn….some one else sees stubborn…your perception is different….my friend also tells me that I am a handful…someone else has said “taming of the shrew” and I understand them on some level but do not know how to explain that to any one because I am gentle and kind and loving and warm…opinionated ..understanding …free spirited and it is when this spirit is challenged that I probably become stubborn …do you think? I do know that a strong male influence calms me and that there are times when I just need to be taken to the bed room and equalized. On that note I end this parable.
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