HONORING THE JOURNEY OF ILLNESS

When I became ill, my first thought was that of fear...what is this....let's get to someone and have it checked out and then I can deal with the diagnosis...so many things were happening to me that I did not understand however, what I do know is how I have always dealt with illness....get up and keep going and you will get through it...and you know what...it worked for a long time....most of my life....so to start having so many weird symptoms was fearful...and yet...there was a knowing within me that some of this was out of my control and that until I did the work it would continue....what I did not know at that time was...what the work was....and how to deal with it all...thank goodness for SL...

I am sure you are all familiar with those old card catalog file boxes in the library...well...I had a couple hundred in my mind...every time during my life that I did not want to deal with something I put it in one of those drawers and closed it with the intent of analyzing it later and then dealing with it...well I became an expert at that file system....from the time I was very young until I was about 50....I smile now but there were many thousands of drawers with "stuff" and if any one that has had a spiritual awakening can imagine....I would be on a journey that would consume me for some time...I have survived and am still working on "my stuff" and "I am a work in progress" and will remain so for my entire life because I want to push my limits in as many areas as possible.

I believe when we get a life threatening illness it is a wake up call...the call may be different for all of us, however the call THEN CONSUMES US AND THOSE CLOSE TO US...we are out of control......nothing is important except finding the answer, as we quickly scurry to look OUTSIDE OF OUR SELF. we oftentimes even let others that are near and dear to us do the work for us ....THE WORK THAT I BELIEVE WE HAVE TO DO ....THE ANSWERS AND THE PATH ARE WITHIN US....WE NEED TO TAKE THAT RESPONSIBILITY.