My Children

Oftentimes I feel compelled to write and then have the conversation in my head and wander through my thought process never recording the thought ..so...in my quest to change and document I attempt to describe what is within me...

I have four children, four of my greatest teachers. One of those teachers is my biological child that I relinquished at birth to wonderful people who gave her all that I wanted her to have from the beginning of her life. I, however being the creature that I am, would never allow her to go without knowing where she was and so I read the papers when the attorney left the office at one of my appointments. Every year I checked their location to make sure I did not lose contact. It was what I had to do. It was not easy, there was always this wonder if she was okay. There were times when I would buy her dresses and wrap them up ready to mail and then would unwrap them and just keep them in the closet. Eventually I would give them to someone as a gift. There was also a time when I made phone calls wanting to hear her voice and ask for someone else...I am not sure at this time but I do think she asked me if i had done this also...

I contacted her parents shortly after she turned 21 and they gave her my information. She called and we talked and then wrote and then when she was comfortable she came for a visit. It was great. She is great. A mirror of self....how I have changed and evolved, however, she was in some ways much more evolved and my hope for her is to continue on her path of living and learning.

I have 3 Asian children from Korea. My son, arrived first, at the age of 8, and one year later, two girls that were natural sisters, ages 8 and 9. I had no idea. So, three Asian children in one year and none of us spoke the same language....I can't imagine being put on a plane at that age and being sent to a different country with different looking people unable to speak their language. We all made it...and it was quite an adventure...I have to say I felt great and found another element of self...it was all about learning and teaching and exposure and fun and what a wild ride on the merry go round of life.....

I think for the most part we all had a great time...we worked hard, we played hard, we laughed and cried and we stretched.

For me, one question that has been asked the most in regard to my children is ......do you feel different about adopted vs. biological... They are all my children, my path was to unite them on some front with me...it was to be this way. I do not understand how I could love one more than the other or differently. I remember having some knowing that I would be adopting.

Teaching children opened up an entirely new thinking system to me. You better do what you say because they are watching and they will call you on your stuff...I learned that real quick. They do listen and they do watch what you do....and how you walk this earth .... I started walking it much differently very quickly. I had no clue how to raise a child...the way I was raised was in fear...not something I wanted to do...so I did have a base...do not raise them that way. Love, understanding, natural consequences. Give up the spanking and hitting....I did a few and then it just took too much out of me and I realized...the spanking was my anger and frustration at not be able to influence behaviours that were not acceptable...and my frustrations with life....I made many blunders and did some crazy stuff................I can remember a Thanksgiving when they were all at the beach and did not come home on time for the turkey dinner and I put it all on the table with the carving knife stuck in the top of the turkey, then I went up and took a shower and read....I remember thinking...when I stuck that knife in that turkey.....those children are really inconsiderate by not coming home..and maybe they were...however, they were children and it was the ocean and it was a holiday and why not.........I know that I was not angry that long but I come a long way from there.......I would just leave everything until they got there and then we would do it together...I think that was also the day I attempted to use the microwave and put the bread in for 1o minutes...thinking if they called for 30 minutes in the oven 10 in the micro should do it...it did...I also put those dried out pulverized breads on the table....and that is still true of the microwave.. but I don't believe in them and never really did...

I do remember a great dish...."cigarette butt soup"....I was a smoker and I made this huge pot of soup...I think they set me up but one does not know because I always had a cig in my mouth...they opened up the soup and on top was this cigarette butt with some ashes...it was a kick...I did not really know what to say....except...when asked I said it was a new recipe....cigarette butt soup....and it was dinner ...and we ate it...

The was the homemade kimchee that every one decided to spice up with hot stuff and I took a big mouthful and burned my tongue so bad I did not eat for a few days because the firs layer of my skin was gone....

My friend and I did so many tricks...we blacked out her tooth one time and then started wrestling and made like the kids knocked it out...and we hurried to the car to take her to the doc...actually we went to the 711...got candy bars and coke (which I did not let them have often) drove the Lanikai Loop and ate them laughing so hard....What do you think happens when you put 80 candles on a small birthday cake ...??

For me it was about having fun, trying to instill in them to be the best that they could be for themselves....to try, to taste, touch and go for it...to be good people and help others and they all are.

They had so much courage and they embraced their situation and today all four of them should be proud of what they have accomplished and experienced....

So much fun in so little time...it was great.

I thank them for the many lessons.