1 : firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values:incorruptibility
2 : an unimpaired condition : soundness
3 : the quality or state of being complete or undivided : completeness
http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/integrity/
Today I struggle with my integrity to the degree that I am searching for the definition that fits for me....interesting....the one that is really going to shake my world and my choices...the link above really gets into it...
Yet again, it is one of those areas that I struggle with...from time to time... am I willing to give up a friendship with someone because I am doubting my integrity in our relationship...
I have crossed lines all my life...some I am not so proud of...
and excerpt from that article : ..."The pursuit of adequate personal integrity often depends, not so much on understanding who one is and what one believes and is committed to, but rather understanding what one's society is and imagining what it could be."
My quest for love for me has been one of openness...if I happen to meet you and love you ...there were no restrictions...I did not ask anything of you...when we were together we were and when we were apart we were...I have no memory of me chasing someone to ask for more...it seems that I left it up to them ...if they wanted to be with me they would call and if they didn't ...to be honest....I was busy...being a single parent working and raising 3 children....so I left it up to the universe to take care of me .....I could, but will not try to analyze all that here because I have already, and it was as it was supposed to be and now is now...
My current dilema is a person who I loved in the past appearing in my present and my struggle with the appropriateness of the current. We shared an intimate closeness that was special for us both and it is comforting to know that he too remembers this. I had thought he would "save me from myself" at one point and be my main man with the house and kids. It was a fantasy thought of mine...these little fantasies I conjured up to keep my life interesting for me and dream the dreams with possibilities of realities...........alas....our lives went in different directions...he is now married and I am happy for him.
I have no questioning of our friendship....my integrity glitch here is ....the appropriateness of our conversations of the intimate times we shared....I am uncomfortable with it in my mind .....I struggle with the fact that I am not honoring another woman.. .....as long as I continue to have conversation with him.........
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