JUNE 26, 2006

Our heads are filled with thoughts or at least mine is….I know that others are also but I wonder if the voices or the several way conversations are?

I remember with Shelley that I would be sitting there having this conversation inside my head and then come out with something and I did that with Phil and they both would look at me and we might laugh or Shelley would say…what are we talking about…but Tony, well, in his best voice and with all his accolades he would just say …thanks for inviting me into your conversation however I seem to have miss a portion to respond appropriately and then after this happened several times we would both just laugh.

For me on occasion it feels like yesterday and then I wonder if it ever existed.

I really love the mariposa butterfly strands hanging in NM…I loved it as I came up the escalator I felt like a silly child running through fields of tall grasses and butterfly darting past me as I ran gleefully hither and yon…I am glad I have this childlike innocent experiences however it has been difficult at times because most people do not believe the wonderment place that I live in. I’m there and I’m glad and I really would not trade it for anything else because it makes my body feel good and my mind..

I seemed to be a child and I do not remember all, that was more inhibited. When at grannies I did not feel those inhibitions when sitting outside or wandering the neighborhood. I always remember being the absconder of petals and leaves and grasses and the explorer of fields, the stone quarry by the river, the viaduct, the Mexican family on the corner, if only they knew the adventures….I do remember liking the solitude even then.

I feel great peace within me when working in a yard, pulling weeds, planting and feeling the dirt under my nails. It is a calming time and then the planting and growing is also a joy when you see the seedlings, nurture then to their maturity…almost like children or other humans that you invite into your life.